I am trying to decide what hurts the most,
surpressing myself or dancing with the ghost
of my former happiness. Too many nights spent
wondering where this road is leading,
finding myself doing nothing but speeding down
the curves of my youth. The rear view mirror is clouded
with mistakes and regret, then I look forward and
see you step into the road, blocking my passion
and hindering my soul from its true path.
Still I'm wondering what hurts the most,
lying to my heart or following this road
with a numb sense of hope. I have tried to let
go of our many differences, demanding myself to
pretend that I can change you, but alas! I accept
that I can not. I have forgot to be true to myself
and let the belt of conformity fall to the ground.
I have forgotten how to be easy and real, how
to fully feel how I feel, how to discern scarps
from the rest of the meal of life.
I can not indulge this make believe game
that you and I are truly the same, when it has
been proven time and again that I am who I am
and that you are him. What you consider to be a sin
I embrace and swallow with gin because
I see no fault, but you see disaster and I guess this
is the cost of being true to ones self. I have decided that
dancing with my ghost is what can truly hurts the most.
Killing who I am is a painful process that I can endure no longer.
You know I hope for the best
difficult realizations can be a beautiful thing. hope you're all right.